Here are 5 ways (in a DOPE listicle) I will shit-talk your song on here if you send me $7.00 @ liban.aliyusuf [at] gmail.com
- If your Syllable Per-word average is over ~1.35 I will assume you are a lame nerd that has attached himself to rap music in a superficial way to assuage your intellectual, artistic insecurity through rap music. It means that your music is a way you can ‘write dope lyrics’ and prove that rap is a medium that has ‘smart’ elements. You are probably a person that thinks Immortal Technique ‘tells the truth’ about the government. You listen to Talib Kweli interviews and post it on you FaceBook wall.
- Your rhymes are mostly Perfect Rhymes yet you believe you went through ‘hella hard work’ to construct your songs that nobody has yet listened to. You haven’t went thought hard enough about how to construct weird rhymes and you think that you don’t rhyme in a ‘conventional’ way. You believe that nobody else ‘can you what you do’. I will, in an objective manner, prove that simple computational techniques exist to create rhymes that match your ‘tight rhymes’. They will be ‘slant rhymes’ that a computer has created and, if you are being fair will realize that a stupid computer algorithm has created rhymes as good as what you have written.
- You focus very hard on end-rhymes and miss the COMPLEXITY of assonance and other things like that. You probably have many ‘freestyles’ to important beats like A Milli. Making your imprint on famous beats is important to you and hitting ‘hella dope’ end-rhymes is your way of creating an important freestyle that sticks in a listener’s head that they hopefully ‘share’ on some social media site.
- I will shit-talk the fact that your ‘white’ score is so high or that you G-Drop so often. This will prove that rap isn’t a thing you ‘need’ to ‘get out’ of a shitty situation but something you do to rebel against immigrant parents or racist parents in your life. You have a good enough education or are far enough removed from the ‘rap game’ that your involvement in the rap game is something sinister and insincere. You associate with intangible cultures that don’t exist or that don’t have your best interests in mind.
- You have enough Youtube comments that I can prove your fanbase consists of lames that associate with ‘real hip hop’, a thing that doesn’t exist that you use to justify your involvement in a culture that, AT IT’S BEST, promoted violence, sex and drugs. You want it to be about something greater. To be about a ‘real’ cause that inspires kids to be educated. You are fighting a losing battle. You hate reality.
Email me your tracks at liban.aliyusuf @ gmail.com and I will shit-talk your best song to the best of my abilities. PAY ME!